Always Appreciate Your Current Relationship!

(It’s barely three months into their marriage. Toke and Yemi quarreled often since they got married. This particular day wasn’t an exception at the dining)


Toke: I did my best to make that soup turn out to be the way it is. Do you know how much I spent on the assorted meat and the fresh fish?

Yemi: I don’t care, but the pepper isn’t enough.

Toke:eyes him) Oh, I see. The soup I prepared last week, you complained about the pepper being excessive. Today, it’s a different story.

Yemi: That’s because you don’t ever get how to put the ingredients in the right proportion. Unlike Titi, she knows how to do everything just the right way.

Toke: Yes, I wasn’t expecting you to say anything less. You always feel Titi is better off than me.

Yemi:(shrugs): I will say you said so.
(Toke angrily stood up from the dining and walked away)

The next day…

Yemi(calls out): Toke! Toke!

Toke: (meets him up): Yes, dear. Welcome back.

Yemi: Why did you re-arrange the living room this way?

Toke: Don’t you like it? I thought you will love it. You know I love being creative, so I felt doing it this way would give it a better look.

Yemi (orders): Put everything back the way they were before. Don’t try this again!

Toke(looks surprised): But it looks so nice. In fact, Henry dropped by with his wife this morning and they loved it.. I sent a snapshot of the living room to my sister and…

Yemi (yells): I don’t care if the president commended it. Take my living room back to the way it was!
(He storms into the bedroom)

Toke(sighs): This man just never appreciates me.
(She re-arranged the living room back to the way it used to be)

Yemi:(calls out to her from the bedroom) Toke! Omotoke!

Toke:(responds) I’m coming.
{She walks into the room}

Yemi:(frowning he opens down the wardrobe) What’s the meaning of this?

Toke: Meaning of what?

Yemi: I know you’re not blind.

Toke:(stares at the wardrobe): There’s nothing strange I’m seeing or is any of your item missing?

Yemi:(gesticulates): Why did you put my shoes over there, my clothes here, my ties and socks on top of here? How many times have I warned you not to touch my stuff?

Toke:(shakes her head in wonder): Yemi, you left the wardrobe scattered and your clothes lying everywhere on the bed. I had to put everything in order since I’m at home. You don’t expect me to sit down and watch the house unkempt.

Yemi: Don’t touch my stuffs again. Why can’t you be just like Titi for crying out loud!

Toke(visibly angry): Oh! This is about Titi, right? Yemi, I’m your wife for crying out loud. What did I ever do wrong to you?
{He ignores her and whistles away, while Toke walks out in frustration}

A fortnight later…

Yemi returns from work in the company of another woman. Toke leaves the bedroom to welcome him, when the sight of the other woman left her feet rooted to the ground}
Yemi: Why are you staring at us like that?

Toke(frowns): What’s she doing here?

Yemi: Is that how you welcome people?

Toke: You haven’t answered my question.

Yemi: Well, I asked Titi here to come coach you on how I want my things being done. So, get ready to learn from her.

Toke(yells): Have you gone crazy? You invited her into my matrimonial home to teach me how to take care of my home? What sort of embarrassment is this? I’ve had it with your stupid acts. I’ve got to inform your parents about this because this is getting way out of hand.

{Toke to Titi} And you, have you no iota of shame in you? A married woman like you going to another married man’s home to coach his wife. Leave here at once or I’ll make you regret it!

{Two days after, Yemi’s mum pays them a visit}

Toke and Yemi: Mum, you ’re welcome.

Yemi’s mum(sits down): Thank you

Toke: Let me get you something to drink, ma

Yemi’s mum: Don’t bother, my dear. I don’t want to waste any time. I will go straight to the point and leave. {Speaks to Yemi } What’s this I’m hearing? You brought another woman into your matrimonial home? And not just any woman, but your ex- fiancée who stood you up at the alter on your supposed wedding day because she felt that you’re not good enough for her! I was also told you did a lot of comparison between her and your wife. I’m totally disappointed in you, Yemi. Your father is so upset with you right now that he refused to come along with me.

Yemi: But mum, I courted Titi for seven years so I got used to her and…

Yemi’s mum(interrupts him): You’re married to another woman now. Titi is married to someone else. So, face your marriage squarely and don’t involve your past into it. Why are you acting like your dad and I married Toke for you? You chose her yourself to be your wife, so stop all these foolishness and man up to your responsibility as her husband. Apologize to Toke right now!”

Yemi(feels ashamed) I…I’m so sorry, Toke. I promise to be a different man from now on and appreciate all you do for me no matter how small it might seem.

Toke(sobs): I forgive you.

Life Lesson: It’s really exhausting and frustrating for people to be compared with the exes of their partner. There’s no one who intends to have a happy and successful relationship or marriage that will make a glaring comparison between their ex and present partner. If your ex was so good as you tend to proclaim, then why are you not with them? If they were meant for you, then why are you both not courting any longer? Why are you both not married? It’s highly dangerous to compare your present relationship to your past especially if you have to tell that to your current partner. It breaks the heart of your partner as well as brings down their self-esteem. They will always feel that they are not good enough for you. And you may wake up one morning only to realize that your present partner is gone for good.
“It’s only a foolish person that would indulge in comparison, a wise person will try to let go of the past and focus on how to prepare the present to become a better future.
Work with wisdom!

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